


It'll Be Okay

by orphan_account



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Depressed killua, Hurt/Comfort, Killua being really sad and messed up, Killugon - Freeform, M/M, Please save Killua, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 11:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10592862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He was sick of it. All these nightmares, having to pretend everything is okay, not being okay. He doubted that Gon truly loved him, and was ready to give up.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I'm just going to warn you now, this deals with a sensitive topic that may make some people feel uncomfortable, sad, or disturbed. If you are easily triggered by stuff that mentions self harm or suicide, please do not read this fanfiction. If you are in a similar situation, please see help. You are all amazing people, just like everybody else. There are people who care about you. You might not know it, but believe me. If it seems like nobody cares, is at least one person who does.  
> Thank you, and I'll let you get right into the story.

Killua jolted upright, wide awake. He had just had another nightmare.  
This time, in this nightmare, he was running. From what? He didn't know. He just ran.  
He had heard the voices of everyone he knew and loved. But they weren't saying nice things. Not even Alluka. Not even Gon.  
"You're worthless," They said.  
"Kill yourself."  
"You're useless."  
"You shouldn't exist."  
"Everybody hates you."  
"Nobody would ever be friends with you."  
This had continued for days. Everyday and every night, he would hear the voices, over and over again.  
Tears streamed down his pale face.  
Before he knew it, he couldn't stop crying. He tried not to make a sound, because he didn't want to wake Gon up. He knew Gon didn't care and wanted nothing to do with his problems.  
"M-maybe I should," Killua whispered to himself quietly. "It doesn't matter anyways."  
He got up and looked at the mirror in the room he and Gon were staying in. His wrists were marked with red slits. His legs were covered in bruises and scars. His cold, ice blue eyes were now red and puffy from all the tears he had cried. His skin covered in sweat from the fear that he felt.  
He quietly walked outside of the room, careful not to make a sound. He opened the front door, and ran. He ran away.  
"I'm worthless," He told himself. "Stupid, worthless, and a nobody who ended up being hated by his own family, and his own friends! I should die!"  
He noticed one of the buildings, abandoned and old, had an open door, and he walked in. He saw the steps leaded to the roof top. He knew what he was going to do.  
Gon woke up slowly.  
"Hey, Killua, are you-"  
Killua was gone.  
"Killua?" He got up, and looked around the house, calling for him. "Killua! Where are you?"  
After a few seconds, he realized something horrible. "O-Oh no..."   
Why he was gone explained everything.   
Why his friend's wrists and legs were always covered in blood and scars. Why he had always tried to jump out of trees and other high places. Why he was always sad. Why he would never tell Gon anything. Why he always walked near that tall building.   
"No... No, no, no!" He immediately ran out of the door, to the building. "I have to stop him, I have to! Why didn't he tell me sooner?! I care about him! Why doesn't he know that?!"  
He saw the building. He looked up to see a figure standing on the roof.  
"Oh no... Killua, no..."  
He ran up the stairs. He had to stop him, he absolutely had to.  
The tears continued to fall down his face. "Nobody really cared."  
He looked down below. He didn't know how high up he was, but he didn't care.  
"If I died, I wouldn't have to suffer anymore. Nobody would notice if I was gone." He stepped one step back. "But then, what would happen to Gon?"  
He shook his head. "He never cared. He's just pretending to care. He doesn't care."  
He heard the voices once again. "Just jump."  
"Do it, you dumbass."  
"If you jump, everybody else won't care. You'll finally be happy."  
"If you jump, you won't have to suffer any more."  
He gulped. His knees and hands were shaking. Was this the right thing to do?  
Yes. It was. He was going to jump, and nothing would stop him.  
As he took a step forward, he heard a familiar voice. "KILLUA!"  
He felt some arms wrap around his waist. He looked and saw Gon. Gon's eyes were filled with tears, and he could see how afraid he was.  
"Killua, no, you can't jump!" He said.  
"W-why not...?" Killua asked quietly.  
"Because I care about you! I really do! Everyone cares!" Gon said. "Please..."  
By this point, tears were streaming down both of their faces.  
"What about my family, huh? They didn't care. They hit me. They yelled at me. They kicked me. They didn't give a damn," Killua said.  
"They don't matter," Gon said. "Remember my confession to you? How I told you I loved you and that I'd never leave you?"  
"Y-yes," Killua said. He sniffed.  
"So why wouldn't I care? You should've gotten help! If you were sad, you should have told me! I thought we promised each other we'd keep no secrets!"  
"I-I know. I'm sorry," Killua told him. "I broke that promise. I'll never be forgiven-"  
"That's not true," Gon replied, tightening his grip. "I forgive you, Killua. I still love you."  
Killua hugged him back. "I love you too, Gon."  
"Now, hand over those razor blades," He said.  
"W-what do you mean?" Killua asked.  
"I know you're carrying some with you. Look at your wrists."  
"O-oh. Yeah," Killua sniffed and took them out of his pocket. He gave them to Gon.  
Gon threw them over the edge. "You won't be needing those anymore. And you have to promise me. Promise me you won't bottle up your emotions, harm yourself, hide anything from me or do this ever again?" He asked.  
"I promise," Killua said.  
"We should get going," Gon looked at the sky.  
Gon and Killua went back to their house, and they got back into bed.  
"H-hey, Gon?"  
Gon turned to Killua, and his amber eyes were met with Killua's cold, blue ones.  
"Thank you for stopping me," He whispered. "If you didn't stop me, I would've jumped off. What I did was a stupid choice, and I'm sorry. I love you."  
Gon smiled. "I love you too."  
Killua pulled Gon closer to him. "Forever and ever?"  
"Forever and ever."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I know it was a little bit sad, but it ended happily. Hopefully.  
> This was actually the first fanfic I've ever written, except I published it on another site before publishing it on here.  
> So, uh yeah. Sorry if I hit your feels there, heheh.  
> I SWEAR THERE'LL BE HAPPIER AND CUTER FANFICS SOON I PROMISE-  
> Oh also the formatting is really weird sorry bout that-


End file.
